justsean: (Default)
ON LIFE'S LITTLE PLEASURES
I usually pee outside my house. There's nothing nicer than peeing at night, looking at the stars, smoking a cigarette


I knew it, I just knew there was something fishy going on out there.! That lavender I planted last month hasn't been growing the way it should, no matter what I've been doing to revive it...

*grumbles and shakes his head*
justsean: (Seanshades)
Dear Viggo,

Can I call you Viggo? Hope you don't mind, but you don't seem to me the kind of guy who's big on formalities.

My name is Sean, Sean Bean, and I've watched near about every movie you've made. Hey, I suppose one could say that I'm a fan of yours, quite a big one at that. Which may seem sort of funny, cause, you see, I'm an actor meself and usually actors don't say that of other actors. Well, they do but they don't mean it, they just do it for show and sweet-talk. Me, I do mean it.

Don't know if you know, but we'll be working together on that Lord of The Rings project. Daunting, isn't it? I'm Boromir, your twistedl Steward. Looks like we'll be spending a lot of time down in New Zealand, hope you don't mind if I look out for you as soon as you get here. Thought maybe we could get together and share a pint, sort get to know each other..

Well, enough of prattling. You'll be here soon and there's lots of things that turn out better said face to face than written down on a screen.

See you soon, mate.

Sean



There, sounds just about right. Nice, but not too gushing. Friendly, but not pushy. And I managed to keep from saying that I'm looking forward to meeting him because I've had the hots for him ever since seeing him doing that Master Chief Urgayle. We'll let him discover that for himself, won't we?

Sean grins and taps the Enter key sending off the email to the very private email address he got from the director's personal assistant.

Soon, he thinks and grins at the screen.
justsean: (Default)
Sean slipped under the covers and reached out his hand to turn the nightstand light off. That he hesitated for a moment before flicking the switch off was witness to how disturbed and uneasy he was feeling that night.

He stretched his legs and settled himself into what he considered to be his sleep position, hoping that might help stop the maelstrom in his mind from spinning wildly in an empty circle as he tried to plot out what he was going to do, how he was going to play this... how he was going to keep himself in check and stop being himself turning into Boromir.

Tomorrow Boromir was going to die and Aragorn was going to cry for him and kiss his forehead.

Tomorrow Viggo was going to lie down on Sean's prone body and cry and kiss him, and Sean had no bloody clue as to how he was going to stop himself from wrapping his arms around his co-star and just kiss him back the way he'd been dream of doing every single night for weeks now.

Hindsight

Jan. 27th, 2007 04:31 pm
justsean: (Sean by Wizzicons)
Sean pushes away from his sweat-damp forehead a lock of hair with a dirty hand and looks around the kitchen.

He's hoping that Viggo won't mind if he's moved things around a bit in here.. Viggo doesn't really mind where things are just as long as they are there somewhere, while Sean has a tidiness problem and needs things to be in a specifically allotted place. Anal, yes, and jokes have been made about it in this same kitchen, followed by hot sex on the now pristine and uncluttered surface of the kitchen table.

***

The loud crashing noise and the shrill cry of pain coming from the kitchen have Sean running damp and half-naked from the bathroom.

He finds Viggo bent in double against the kitchen, his face gaunt with pain and his hand pressed to his forehead. A steel cheese grater is on the floor, that same cheese grater that Sean banished to the top shelf of a kitchen cabinet earlier today because he hates cheese. Damn, now, in hindsight and knowing that the damn thing fell on Viggo's head, he knows that be the damn thing was balancing up there rather precariously because he simply pushed it up on the top shelf with the tips of his fingers and didn't bother with dragging a chair over to store it properly.

Well, there's no crying over fallen cheese graters, he can only pull Viggo into his arms and make soft soothing noises.

"Tell me, love, where does it hurt?"

Sunrise

Nov. 26th, 2006 10:40 am
justsean: (Sean smile by Wizzicons)
The silence in the living room is companionable, the kind of silence that people who live together and often have no need for words share.

Sean is on the couch, legs propped up and supporting the newspaper. He's working on the daily crossword puzzle, muttering now and then and chewing the top of a pencil, an occasional triumphant 'hah!' escaping him when he works out a particularly tricky puzzle. He frowns as he reads the next line, then grins.

"Hey, Vig, listen to this one... 8 horizontal.. comes between darkness and light... seven letters.. reckon that's Aragorn, isn't it? I mean, what else can it be? But there must be something wrong because it doesn't fit with what I already have in as 4 across.."

Viggo looks up, bemused, then rises from his sprawled position on the living room rug and goes to sit on the couch by Sean's side, settling his chin on Sean's shoulder and peering at the newspaper page.

"I'm very flattered, Bean, but I do think that the word you want there is sunrise and not Aragorn. The ranger appreciates it, though..."
justsean: (Sean brooding by liars_dance)
What keeps me up at night? Nothing really.

I don't sleep that many hours, I like to stay up late, mostly reading, or watching movies with Vig, but when I do go to bed - and when we do fall asleep eventually - I am a sound sleeper.

But.. Of course there's a but. There will be nights when I wake up in the middle of the night, I have no clue. Thirsty sometimes, or needing to empty my bladder, or just plain awake all of a sudden for no apparent reason. When that happens I find it very hard to go back to sleep. Not because I find it hard to fall asleep again, but because I find it hard to stop looking at Vig.

Somehow he looks different when he sleeps. Younger of course, that's a cliche but it still holds true. At peace in a way he never seems to be when he's awake. I start looking at him and I'm lost. Most times I'm still there staring at him when the morning comes and he wakes up, finding me there, watching him. I think he knows, because he just smiles and pulls me down in his arms.
justsean: (Seanshades)
I am monogamous.

I know that many of you will smirk skeptically when they read this, but don't let my track record deceive you. I may have been married three times but I'm not the kind of man that takes a relationship lightly. The number of times I've been married should in itself bear witness to that. I wouldn't have married them if I didn't believe it would last forever, would I?

Having said that, I guess that it is somewhat ironic that now that I truly am in a relationship that I know will last forever I am not married. I think about it sometimes.. he's daft enough to say 'yes', but truth is that I don't need it, don't need the wedding band on my finger and the piece of paper saying that we belong to each other.. I know that already, I know it where it matters most, inside me, and I know he knows too.
justsean: (Sean smile by Wizzicons)
Sean yawns as he waits for the kettle to whistle. He scratches his stubbly chin, rubs still-sleepy eyes and rotates his neck to work a kink out of it. The teabag is waiting in his favourite mug, the one with the red and white vertical stripes and "Blades" emblazoned all around it, the one that always makes Viggo grin. The box of PG Tips is still out on the kitchen counter. A nice strong tea, nothing fancy maybe, but something he's been drinking since he was a kid.

A whistle warns him that the water is ready and he fills the mug, watching with satisfaction the way the liquid turns dark as the tea steeps.

He can almost hear his father's voice, telling him that if he starts the day with a nice strong cuppa, he will be able to take on just about anything. It's been years, but he still knows his dad was right.
justsean: (Default)
Idaho currently. But Idaho's a big state, so we might want to narrow that down a bit. There's a ranch in Idaho, it's in an amazing place, the sky seems to be bigger there, the clouds closer and in the evening the mountains turn this amazing blue colour. All of that can be quite breathtaking for a Sheffield guy like me..

But if you thing that a ranch is still too big a place, I can narrow it down for you a bit more. This ranch I'm talking of belongs to an artist and he has a studio in there, one of those large rooms with big big windows and lots of light. There's paintings and stuff in that room, but there's also an old blue sofa, the kind of sofa that used to be in the living room but now is too worn for that but still serviceable enough to do in the studio.

I like stretching out on that sofa, my head on one armrest and my heels digging into the other, and watch him work. I could do that for hours and never tire of doing it, you know. He gets this look on his face that tells me he's not really there, in the same room with me, but I just keep watching and wherever it is that he goes, I go there with him, just by watching him.

And when he comes back, when he's put whatever it is that he's found on the canvas. then he turns and looks at me and I hold out my arms and bring him back.
justsean: (SeanOne)
The Oxford Dictionary defines comfort as, I quote, "a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint". I define it as a state of wellbeing and there's a myriad things that can make me achieve that, some of them serious and some of them rather silly.

I'll give you a silly one and a serious one.

For example, I am pretty sure this will make you laugh, but Cup-a-Soup means comfort to me, especially tomato Cup-a-Soup and especially if I'm away from home. It is good to know that you pour water on that reddish looking powder and know exactly what it will taste like, wherever you are. No surprises, I like that.

But there's a different level of comfort, one that is far more important and that makes everything else become insignificant. It has to do with sharing your life with the right person, the One as they say in romance and song. When you have that everything becomes a source of comfort, from reaching out with a foot while you're lying in bed at night and knowing that you won't find just cold, empty sheets but the warm body of your lover sharing your bed, to meeting his eyes across the breakfast table and see them light up because you're there.
justsean: (SeanOne)
I have never given much consideration to how others see me. Why do it? I mean, let's imagine that ther is something they don't like in me. What am I supposed to do, change? Then I wouldn't be myself anymore but the person they think I should be..

Well, since I have to respond to this anyway, I can tell you that my ex-wives perceived me as lazy and distracted. Self-absorbed was the term I believe one of them used, though what she really meant was that she hated my spending time watching football games and going to the pub with my friends, time that she believed would be better spent worshipping her.

To my girls I'm just dad, and what's there to perceive in a dad? I'm the one who hugs them and loves them, and tells them that they're wearing too much make-up or that they should buy t-shirts long enough to cover their bellies.

To Viggo I'm Sean, and I think that that is really the only thing that matters.
justsean: (Sean smile by Wizzicons)
Clever... Sean thinks, a grudging smile of appreciation curling his lips as he reads the question.

He's willing to bet that everyone will start thinking straight away of their dream house, but there's a subtle difference between a home and a house, and it's one that Sean himself has learned to know and appreciate only in recent times.

He remembers saying once to an interviewer that he enjoyed living in hotels, loved the impersonality of it, the neatness of a room that day after day was tidied following a set standard, with no initiative for putting something in a different place or moving an armchair away from its allotted place. His Hampstead house had been a bit like that too, with a housekeeper coming in every day to keep it clean and tidy following a specific routine he himself had set up.

That's all changed now, because now he lives in a home, and it is the home where he has always dreamed of living, only he couldn't admit it before, because he believed it to be something he would never, could never have.

He raises his head from the laptop screen and gazes around. So what makes it different?

Life, a shared life... he thinks as his eyes scan the room taking in a myriad of little details. A book, lying open and face-down by the sofa where the reader put it when interrupted by the attack of a playful lover. A thick rug, pulled away from its allotted place to be dragged under the window so that they could make love in the sunshine. The tuneless humming coming from the kitchen along with the scent of tomatoes cooking with the herbs from the herb garden Sean himself has planted outside the kitchen window.

Home.. Life..

Sean nods to himself and shuts the laptop. Time to stop fiddling with the computer and go enjoy his life and his home.

Failure

Feb. 5th, 2006 04:45 pm
justsean: (Sean brooding by liars_dance)
Sean runs his hand through his hair, tugging a bit at the longish strands and groaning in despair.
He so wants to have a word with the ones who come up with these fun questions...
But at least this time they came up with a subject that he's an expert on, though it's not something he's in the mood for boasting about..

Yes, he knows quite a lot about failure, he has three failed marriages to prove just how knowledgeable he is on the subject. There's something in him that was just not made to make a marriage work. What he's not good at is putting down in writing the anguish, the bitterness, the devastating sense of being incapable, inadequate, deficient one feels. He tried, God knows he tried.. Maybe not the first time, he was too young to make sense, filled with the sense of being invulnerable and godlike the young feel. But the other two times he gave it his best, for his girls if for nothing else, and it still didn't work.. Looks like his best was not that much after all..

Now? Now he's keeping his fingers crossed, and praying. And he's never prayed before, but this is just too important and he needs all the help he can get in making it work.
justsean: (Sean smile by Wizzicons)
Vig,

I have a confession to make. Promise you won't get mad, please? I remember how you went a bit berserk at the time, but since it's something that happened quite a bit ago and you're not so lost in character now I'm hoping I can come out and admit it was me who did it.

Remember that time on the Rings set when you, I mean Aragorn, drew his mighty sword out of its scabbard to fight the evil orcs and found it sheathed in a condom?
Well, I have to confess that I'm the one who did that. It seemed a funny thing to do at the time and I really had no idea that by then you were so deep in character that you would take it as such an offense and get so mad.

I know I should have said straight away that it was me who'd done it, especially when you started hunting the hobbits with the sword thinking it had been one of them who played that prank on you when the poor buggers had no clue, but when I saw how seriously you't taken it I didn't have the courage to.. I felt like an idiot and at the time looking like an idiot to you was the last thing in the world I wanted...

Forgive me? Please?

Sean
justsean: (Default)
Sean has always been a morning person, but it's more than his usual habit that has him up at first light this morning and, after all, it's not as if he was sleeping, was he? Tossing around in the bed while one's mind runs obsessively through the same thought certainly cannot be defined as sleeping.

He has no idea what would be worse..
Maybe he wouldn't feel twisted up in knots the way he's feeling now if he dropped out of bed late, with just enough time for a quick shower before the production car picked him up to take him to the set.
If he were a late riser, he wouldn't be sitting in the garden this early, with a mug of tea cooling in his hand, looking at the sky change colour and thinking of what this day held in store for him.

But getting up early has always been a habit of his, and there's something peaceful in the quietness of this dawn, something that is giving him strength, the kind of strength he will need today, the strength to look up into blue eyes of a man he desperately loves and whisper those words that have been haunting him all night long, the words he will say with Boromir's dying breath.

I would have followed you, my brother, my captain, my king
justsean: (Sean by Wizzicons)

Stud Expertly Administering Naughty Backrubs and Erotic, Arousing Necking
justsean: (Sean by Wizzicons)
Bless these folks, Sean thinks after he logs on and sees the new question pop up on his computer screen.

Not that he really needs other people to give him ideas where Viggo is concerned, but it never hurts to get fresh suggestions that give him ideas about things to do to make his creative, busy lover happy and make him take a break. And he's pretty sure there's something about the light in Venice, that feel of floating around in a sea of water and air and light, that will entrance Viggo.

Yes, he's willing to bet Viggo would love a break in Venice. He's bound to have been there more than once already, but Sean is a firm believer in the concept that places changes depending on your mood when you visit them and depending on the person you're visiting them with.

His fingers are faster than his own mind and they're already surfing for likely places to stay. No. Make that extremely romantic places to stay. Romance-overload places to stay. It takes only a few minutes to jump from option to option and make a choice. It is so simple to make a choice once one finds the absolutely perfect choice, he thinks with a chuckle as he reaches for his wallet to enter the details of his credit card to finalize the reservation.

Hotel Cipriani.. on the corner of an island with a wonderful sight of Venice and the laguna.. the Palladio Suite, a glass capsule suspended mid-air above the lagoon.. secluded private wooden terrace shaded by jasmine bushes and an outdoor heated jacuzzi..

Like a mindless automaton, Sean clicks on the Book now icon and proceeds through each step of the reservation. It will mean facing an overseas flight but somehow he's not feeling the usual twinge of anxiety about that. Viggo will be with him, Viggo will distract him..

He's smiling when he logs off and goes in search of Viggo, a foolish smile, most likely, but one he cannot hold back.
justsean: (Sean by Wizzicons)
- work in the garden (in all seasons, but especially when the winter is about to come to an end, when you know that after a long sleep life is about to burst again all around you and make things seem all new and shiny)

- spend time with my daughters (no, wait, that's not exactly the most relaxing thing in the world.. now that they're teens most of the time they drive me insane with worry.. but I love it all the same, just like I love them)

- read classics (especially those with a female point of view, don't ask me why because I have no clue.. right now I'm reading Daphne Du Maurier's Frenchman's Creek and liking it hugely)

- smoke (I'm trying to quit, you see..)

- watch footie games and see my Blades win (it wouldn't be relaxing if they lost, would it?)

- look at Viggo

- make lists
justsean: (Sean by Wizzicons)
Sean laughs as he reads the screen.

He knows what people wish when it comes to him, he's heard it often enough from his fans, sometimes in a disappointed tone, sometimes in an aggressive tone, as if he was somehow to blame for the fact. So he knows what to write, he knows it very well..

Most people wish that I would stay alive in me movies, or at least that I get killed only at the end...

Let's face it.. He doesn't have a good survival ratio in his movies..
He's played some glorious, troubled characters and he wouldn't trade any of them for one of the good guys, but they had a way to get themselves killed long before the end of a movie.

It made for a shorter time on the set, it made for less money and a quicker moving on to the next movie, it made for more frequent breaks at home and with his family, but it didn't make his fans happy. Sentimental? Yes. Protective? Yes. Happy? No.
justsean: (Sean by Wizzicons)
Not just one, but many... Sean thinks as he reads the question, a rueful smile on his face.

He remembers only too well the angry words, the constant bickering that accompanied the end of each of his marriages. It was almost as if they'd been compiling all along a list of grudges and had only been waiting for the end to bring it out.

He couldn't even remember most of the arguments now, they'd been about petty, insignificant things, the kind of things that you don't really care about when you're in love with someone but that becomes as big as a mountain when the love is not there anymore and the anger begins to grow inside until it erupts.

It makes him think, this question, because he knows himself and so he knows that something like that might happen again... So he writes a quick email...

Vig,
should I ever start snapping at you because the house's a mess and the toothpaste has not been squeezed out of its tube properly or something equally absurd, please just know that I'm an idiot and that if you leave me be for a bit I'll see sense and come back to apologize to you and tell you I'm an idiot.
I love you
Sean
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